Hysterical Blindness
by veritaserum804
Summary: "Evidently hate and indifference, like love, are blinding. Perhaps that's why he never noticed her before..." Sirius/OC.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I own my characters and this story but everything else belongs to JK Rowling.

"—_the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." –Sirius Black_

Her eyes weren't ready for full light yet and she was thankful for the shadows as she near ran through the dimly lit corridors of the castle towards the dungeons. There was no release…just all-consuming pain. Pain that felt somehow like an old friend... Maybe he was right…Maybe she was so used to being unhappy that misery had become comforting. Maybe anything else would be too much to handle.

She was almost to the dungeons when she heard his footsteps grow louder. Heart pounding in her chest she made to walk faster but was stopped in her tracks when without warning Sirius Black grabbed hold of her right arm and spun her around, forcing her to face him. His grip tightened like a vice as he took control of the other arm and held her up against the stone wall.

Shaking with fury his dark eyes bore into hers, "_Why?" _She didn't answer, but only stared back at him, _'TELL ME WHY!' _the anger in his voice now rising he shoved her up against the wall once more and she gave a yelp of pain, '_DID IT FEEL GOOD?! TELL ME THAT ATLEAST, DID IT FEEL GOOD WHEN YOU LET HIM TOUCH YOU?!"_

Voice no longer caught in her throat she met his fury with her own_, "HE WOULD'VE KILLED ME SIRIUS.' _Still in pain she continued, _'He would've killed me…..You have the Potters to take care of you…your uncle's pile of gold…you __know__ I don't have that kind of protection…"_her breathing became shallower as she struggled to remove herself from his grip but to no avail_, '…this was always my only choice…My mistake to ever let you convince me otherwise."_

Up until that point he had only been slightly aware of how tight his grip was on her, but seeing her eyes glaze over with the onset of tears was enough to make him aware. He loosened his grip and she angrily shoved him away but as she did so he grabbed hold of her wrist stopping her from leaving. Gently this time he gripped her other arm and brought her towards him, careful not to aggravate the dark mark he knew had been placed there, fresh, and undoubtedly still stinging. She winced at his sudden proximity though she could tell the fury from before had all but dissolved. Sirius, unlike herself, always had the ability to go from furious to calm and back again in record time.

Closing the space between them he gently ran his fingers through her hair, tilting her head up ever so slightly so that she was now forced to look directly at him, strands of his untidy black hair brushing lightly against her forehead. Disgusted with herself she relaxed against his touch and spoke barely above a whisper, "Sirius…," she closed her eyes as his fingers began caressing her face, and then her jaw line, finally stopping to rest there as he felt her resistance crack, 'I can't…"

He spoke over her not wanting her to finish, "_You can't what Mira?_"

She could feel tears welling behind her eyes again and in a sudden effort to gain back the control she could feel slipping through her fingers she cleared her face of all emotion, disgusted she ever let it get this far, and stared at him with an intensity that sent chills down his spine. For a split second the Mira he remembered, the Mira he _loathed_ for so long, flashed before his eyes.

"I chose this. This is where I belong_….alone._"

His eyes narrowed as she said those last words and anger flooded back into his system once more. He couldn't stand the almost masochistic way she operated, he didn't understand it.

He could feel his temper slipping out of his control again as his mind filled with these thoughts and he stepped back from her, watching the pained expression in her eyes as he did so, the comfort she had been craving suddenly snatched away. This however only served to infuriate him more. Had she not just said she was _meant_ to be alone? He made as if to attack her and her eyes widened but instead he slammed his own fist against the stone wall, feeling the skin break, reveling in the temporary release it gave him and stormed off. She had derailed his stability long enough. If she wanted to be alone, she would be.


	2. The Outsider

In the future nobody would know that Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange had a sister. Pureblood families eager to clean off their family trees had a way of making people forget. Who but a select few in the future would remember Andromeda Black as sister to Narcissa and Bellatrix? And so it was the same with Mira Lestrange. She was a blood traitor, disgrace to her family, and a grave disappointment to practitioners of the Dark Arts the world over. But it hadn't always been that way.

From a young age, Mira was very self-aware, very conscious of the weight her family name held. She was very aware too of the pureblood ideals that had been shoved down her throat since birth, practiced them herself, and believed in them; or at the very least, thought she did. She was also a very gifted witch, showed signs of magic at a very young age, and excelled in most subjects at Hogwarts, as well as those not allowed to be taught there. Growing up her only equal in this regard had always been Sirius Black, though she knew she had far surpassed him in the Dark Arts, the one talent she possessed that left her feeling indescribably hollow.

Fulfilling the stereotype, her parents cared more about their status in society than in their daughter's well-being and no doubt Mr. Lestrange was _very_ eager to exploit his daughter's talents. More often than not he subjected her to horrors she never spoke of aloud, preferring to bury them deep inside.

A well-known pureblood fanatic, Mr. Lestrange made up for his lack of moral standing with his outpouring of money in the way of all causes devoted to the Dark Arts. For this he was a _very_ respected member of the pureblood community, something he never let any of his children forget. As for Mrs. Lestrange, she seemed to be content to let her husband pull the strings and had long ago abandoned her duties as any sort of maternal figure. She served as more of an empty vessel than an individual.

Mira was quite the opposite of her mother though. Her talent became an obsession that filled the void. Rather than wither away in such a caustic home environment she built and fortified walls around herself. Protection it provided, but internally it created anger and a longing for revenge that left her emotionally damaged beyond most people's idea of normal.

Contrary to many she knew around her, she was never suicidal, no she was too strong for that. It was only in those brief moments when overwhelming darkness gave way to the smallest amount of light and she was able to see beyond the limits she had imposed upon herself for so long that she _ever_ felt a loss of will to live. Ironic it was. The light _hurt_ her rather than _healed_ because it was never close enough for her to truly touch and so served as just a cruel reminder of what she could never have. This was why it became so dangerous for her to ever allow that light in. It was quite literally a matter of life or death. And she was taught to always fear the latter.

Forced to attend the same social functions since birth, Sirius had always felt, rather than knew, that she despised him. This didn't bother him. Though he _did_ always find it annoying that, even as children, the charm that allowed him to get away with most things failed to move her. Quite frankly she saw right through him. Sirius had a reputation for defiance and it was no secret he did not share the views of his parents or his younger brother, something he seemed to get away with for the most part and something that Mira neither understood nor appreciated.

When they were of age and finally able to attend Hogwarts, she was sorted into Slytherin, and he Gryffindor, which came as quite a shock not only to his family but to her as well. She was tortured for the smallest of mishaps, yet Sirius who had now disgraced his family yet _again_ by being sorted into Gryffindor walked away unharmed for the most part. There was very little she didn't know about him. She knew he had seen the torture of his brother, the merciless killings of Muggles for sport, lived through years of verbal abuse at the hands of his mother, and yet…he was able to laugh…to find a happiness amongst his friends at Hogwarts that he had never known before. And this infuriated her, not least because she envied him. The only thing that infuriated her more was his apparent amnesia of all that had come before Hogwarts. They had for all intents and purposes grown up together, but in his rejection of all things associated with his family came the rejection of all things even remotely tied to them, Mira included.

To add to his already inflated ego Sirius was also very handsome. He was both reckless and charming; qualities that when combined formed a lethal combination, especially in the way of attracting the opposite sex. Girls literally fawned over him. She could never see the attraction though, perhaps too blinded by her severe dislike for him, a feeling she did not attempt to conceal. That was just fine with him as the feeling was quite mutual, though he didn't put in nearly as much energy into the matter as she did. Not until their 6th year at least. And by then they had both changed.

Sirius, established in his own right as talented, intelligent, and charismatic was now planning to leave home and live with James Potter's family; and Mira, a Death Eater in the making if there ever was one, was the most respected member of her house, as Sirius was in his.

It was a rather gloomy day during the beginning of the Fall term in their double-Charms class when for some reason, he noticed her more than usual.

She had left the room mid-lesson and was just now coming back, making her way to the desk at the front of the room. Long wavy black hair cascaded down her back as she walked. A strong jaw line with large green eyes set against fair skin leant to her imposing and strangely exotic appearance. His eyes caught hers which narrowed slightly as he watched her walk past. Sensing Professor Flitwick approaching he went back to begrudgingly muttering incantations at the brass box in front of him with his wand, frustrated this assignment was not as easy as he was accustomed to.

"No…no I'm sorry Mr. Black that is incorrect, you want to _really_ focus on the object…" Sirius continued to try and fail as Flitwick looked on disapprovingly, "this is not like charming a hatbox boy, you can't just bully it into doing so, you have to grow to understand its properties first."

Noticing Sirius' growing frustration Flitwick continued and raised his voice so the whole class could benefit, "The more _precious_ the object the more _focus and patience_ it requires!"

At this point Sirius only half-heartedly nodded, his focus lost as he looked ahead of him and noticed Mira, who kept looking back in his direction.

Professor Flitwick shook his head and moved towards the front of the room instead. Upon reaching Mira he studied her for a bit, and then with a smile gave her an enthusiastic nod of approval and handed her what appeared to be an ornate necklace, "Here you go Miss Lestrange, you seem to have mastered the rudimentary practices of permeation involved in charming precious objects, you may proceed to the next step."

Swelling with pride she smiled coyly, "Thank you Professor."

Flitwick hurriedly left the room for a moment and as soon as he did her smile quickly vanished as she heard snickering from across the room. Glancing over in Sirius' direction she could see that charming smile play on his face as he laughed. Charming maybe to most people, but not to her.

Casually but loud enough for everyone to hear she kept her eyes focused on the necklace in front of her and said, "_Mind yourself Black_, people are going to start to think you're _jealous_."

Sirius stopped mid-laugh and almost immediately the talking in the room turned to a hushed silence. Everyone in the room looked over in her direction. Mira smirked and continued looking at the necklace, her wand in the air, controlling its movements as it floated in front of her.

Sirius, taken aback but unwavering in his stance glared darkly in her direction, "Any chance you could charm that necklace into a snake? I don't think anyone here would mind if you were strangled to death."

Half the room erupted in low whispers and hushed laughter, the other half kept quiet, the Slytherins too intent on watching this play out to participate.

Still calm and still refusing to turn in his direction she spoke softly, _"It must drive you mad."_

Visibly irritated that she had the nerve to carry on he narrowed his eyes once again in her direction, "What was that Lestrange?"

"I said I reckon it must drive you mad…that a pureblood like you can't even manage to surpass me in Charms…how sad…" she looked directly at him now, "your mother must be so proud. _Blood traitor._"

There was a lot of hissing amongst the whispers now that she had clearly crossed the line. The color drained from Sirius' face and the cool expression he donned changed to one of livid shock. Mira continued to hold his gaze, two sets of guarded eyes now locked, betraying much deeper thoughts, rolling off the both of them in waves. Blood began to pound in his ears as he tightened the grip on his wand and both James and Remus immediately reached to stop him from acting out what he intended to do. Before he even had the chance however a loud noise erupted from the entrance of the room. Everyone turned their heads; Flitwick had returned.

Mira turned away but did not relax. She'd known Sirius too long to believe he'd actually let this go. She knew too that despite her remark Sirius was one of only a few wizards whose talents she felt equaled her own. She knew for example that though she surpassed him in Charms he far surpassed her in transfiguration. She also knew he dueled better than anyone in their year, though he had never dueled _her_ so really that remained to be seen.

Sirius' jaw locked as he continued to stare daggers in her direction, waiting impatiently for class to end, his grip on the wand in his folded arms tightening with every passing second. When it finally did end, he gave one knowing look to James and then left before any of the others.

It wasn't until Mira neared the dungeons that she felt she wasn't alone. She stopped and turned around abruptly. Pausing for a moment her eyes darted around her, but there was no one there. As soon as she turned back around however her breath caught in her throat and she froze; standing in front of her was Sirius.

His ridiculously piercing eyes bore into hers and he shook his head and smirked, content at having successfully caught her off guard, "What's wrong Mira? Did I scare you?"

"I have nothing else to say to you—

He viciously interrupted her, "Is it true what they say about you? All the things you've done?"

He was circling her now, his stance very imposing and making her extremely uncomfortable. For some reason it was much more of an affront to be spoken to like this in private when no one else was around to hear. It meant more. Yet even as Sirius spoke the words he only half believed them. Regardless, he never allowed anyone to speak to him that way, least of all the girl who was the very embodiment of everything he despised.

"_You know I can barely remember what it was like growing up with you, too much has happened since, everything that didn't matter faded away_,'

He paused and stepped closer as he saw her fists clench at his words, 'but I do know one thing… _for all my mother's verbal abuse…it's _nothing_…compared to what's been done to you_—

Within seconds she had the carved tip of her wand digging into the side of his neck. She was breathing heavily now, feeling his pulse beat against her wand. He had touched a nerve, alluding to the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. What she didn't know was he had no idea of the truth, he had only heard rumor.

"_As _always_ in your arrogance you assume you know me._' she spat at him, 'you _never_ knew me, _do you understand_?"

"_I know enough."_

"You know_ nothing_. And _you?_ You're more like him than you think you are."

"_More like who?" _he asked feigning disinterest.

_"…charming people into doing whatever you want them to, that's one of his most _famed _attributes you know! Why do you think Pettigrew's got his head stuck so far up your arse? He's afraid if he's not on your good side he'll end up with his knickers out hanging upside down from a tree!_"

He half laughed at this as she went on, "_But you didn't actually do that did you? You initiated the attack and egged Potter on until he did the work for you. Another striking similarity, letting your minions do all your dirty work._"

She was swimming into far more dangerous waters than she realized, talking to him this way, with her wand dug into his neck like that, but she was too caught up in her own anger to notice the storm growing behind his eyes. _"Though to be honest, I don't think the Dark Lord would be as reckless—_

In what seemed like a split second he pulled his wand out of his robes and with his right hand very violently gripped her wrist and moved her arm along with her aim away from him, diverting the curse she shot at the stone wall behind him instead. The force of her spell was such that it sent her staggering back a few paces and Sirius grabbed the collar of her robes to prevent her falling and held her there, much to her displeasure. He knew she never let people touch her, fear of intimacy perhaps, something he did not share.

"_You're a miserable bitch you know that? What is it that bothers you so much Mira? That I escaped and you didn't? That I was the only one strong enough?"_

In a voice too sickeningly soft to be calm she grit her teeth and kept his gaze, "Planning on running away to live with the Potters doesn't make you strong Sirius…it makes you a _coward."_

He let go of her collar abruptly and took a step back, an unsettled look now overwhelming his features. He wasn't sure what bothered him more, the fact that _no one _spoke to him this way and here she was getting away with it for the second time that day or the creeping thought that…perhaps she was right.

Somewhat satisfied she shoved her wand back in her robes and with one last look of contempt turned on her heel and walked away, stalking back towards the dungeons.


	3. Look Closer

Next morning's pumpkin juice did not go down as well as hoped. Brow furrowed, deep in thought, he kept replaying the events of yesterday, thinking about those last words she spoke before walking away. _Planning on running away to live with the Potters doesn't make you strong Sirius…it makes you a coward. _What a load of bollocks. Completely blocking out the less than pleasant aspects of his life successfully for the past 6 years was something he prided himself on. Not having to deal with it in any way other than from an offensive standpoint was the source of his strength. Why would Mira Lestrange of all people be the first to disturb his peace of mind? She wouldn't. He wouldn't allow it. The very idea of it made him feel out of his own control, like he was crawling out of his skin.

He had always been too sure of himself to let anyone truly bother him. From the first day he stepped foot on the train to Hogwarts he had no qualms about telling people who he was and showing off the fact that he was the black sheep of his family. It wasn't in his nature to look down on himself or dig too deeply beyond his well-polished exterior. The fact that he was the first born son from a highly respected and ancient pureblood family of dark wizards made his decision to rebel against them even bolder and he knew this. He was arrogant, he'd admit it. But it was because of all this that no one ever crossed the line or disrespected him. The only people who had the power to do either of those things were living far away in that prison he called home…until now. The more he thought about it the angrier he got. He wanted to get into her head as she had his, make her feel the same twists in her stomach, find her weakness, exploit it, and torture her with it.

He was pulled out of his reverie abruptly when James shoved him hard across the shoulder sending the cup Sirius was holding flying out of his hands, spilling juice all over the front of his robes.

"The hell's wrong with you Sirius?!" James said.

Sirius snarled back at him, "Nothing."

Remus laughed at them both from across the table and exchanged a knowing glance with James who was watching Sirius angrily dry his robes.

James leaned down to help him, "Girl's got you all worked up eh?"

"No." he said rather unconvincingly.

He put his arm around Sirius's tensed up shoulders and suddenly became very serious, "Listen mate, I know she's easy on the eyes but I've got to be honest…I don't think she likes you very much."

James laughed now as Sirius finally cracked a grin and Remus nearly choked spitting out the food he was eating from laughing so hard.

"Come off it then," James grinned widely, "you just need a distraction."

"Don't worry he'll get one…" Remus said, still laughing but with a slightly darker tone now, "the full moon's this weekend."

Sirius stood up from the table, looking very determined. Instinctively more than just a few eyes followed him. His presence even when he was in a good mood raised attention. He started to walk towards the doors of the Great Hall. James shoved one last bit of toast in his mouth, and made to follow him. Remus did the same and they trailed behind Sirius who upon making his way through the corridors made sure to shove hard past Snape who was standing with a bunch of other 6th year Slytherins. They all hissed at him as he walked by, Snape looking livid having dropped the heavy books he was carrying. Sirius grinned widely, always pleased with the reaction he incited in him. Noticeably absent from this group he noted however, was Mira.

Nevertheless they continued walking until James slowed the two of them down as Lily Potter approached them flanked by two of her friends. Lily immediately started in on James having just witnessed Snape struggling to gather his books off the floor. One of the girls Lily brought with her started talking to Remus rather quietly about something and the other instantly started chatting up Sirius, much to his annoyance. It was only out of deep respect for Lily that Sirius ever tolerated her friends.

He was accustomed to excessive attention from women and used to revel in it, letting it take up his free time, distract him when necessary, but now the total lack of attachment to any of them left him bored and disinterested. He was yet to meet a girl who held his interest long enough for him to ever consider giving her a closer look.

Considerably bored and only half listening to the girl in front of him his eyes wandered, and it was then that he spotted her. Mira stood, wand in hand, with her arms folded, her back relaxed against the stone wall, waiting. The hall was crowded and as she looked around the room, wand twisting absentmindedly in her hand she caught sight of Sirius looking at her. Some girl she didn't know, must be Lily's friend, was talking to him but she could tell he was only half listening because every penetrating glance he stole was in her direction. She met his gaze and stared right back in the same unnerving way she had the day before.

The connection between the two of them was broken when Evan Rosier approached her. Visibly irritated she muttered about two words to him from what Sirius could tell and disappeared from sight moments later.

'—Hello? Are you even listening to me?" Looking very put out, the girl whose voice Sirius had politely been tolerating seemed to have noticed he wasn't paying any attention.

Snapped back to reality he made sure to actually make eye contact with her now, and feigned a very convincing look of apology, "Sorry love, not feeling too well, bit light-headed, going up to the common room actually."

Lily looked at Sirius disapprovingly, attune to when he wasn't being entirely sincere. He gave her a look as if to say sorry and rushed past them all towards the staircase up to Gryffindor Tower.

Once he got there he ran into his dormitory and rummaged through the piles of clothes he had sprawled over his bed finally finding what he was looking for: the Marauder's Map. After a tap of his wand, he spoke the incantation and waited for the tiny labeled dots to appear before him. He surveyed the map for a few seconds, and stopped, over the dot labeled _Mira Lestrange._ She was on the 7th floor, pacing near the Room of Requirement. He paused for a moment to think about what he was about to do, but the curiosity and spite he felt was too strong, and he wasted no time in stealing James' invisibility cloak and heading swiftly out of the common room towards the 7th floor.

When he got close enough to the room he threw the cloak over himself completely and waited by the tapestry for someone to come along. Finally he saw a girl with white blond hair who couldn't be older than a 4th year nervously walk up to the wall across from where he was standing. Knowing what she was about to do he waited for the door to appear. As soon as it did he watched the girl walk inside. Before the door had time to disappear though he grabbed the handle and pulled, placing a silencing charm in its wake so he would not be heard.

The room he walked into quite resembled a dungeon and felt about as cold. There were lit torches on the walls and it was very narrow, a huge problem should anyone bump into him by mistake. Why the room would transform into something so uncomfortable was beyond him.

Looking straight ahead of him this time he found himself face to face with Mira's back. The young girl who had walked in before him was now sitting in the back of a row of chairs that were set up facing Mira who was at the head of a small stone table. As he looked around he recognized the other people in the room: that slimy git Rosier, Wilkes, Snape, a 5th year Slytherin he had seen once or twice before, and much to his surprise, a Ravenclaw girl sitting very near a 7th year Slytherin named Aiden.

The air in the room sent a shiver down his spine. Nobody was speaking; they were all watching Mira do something, what he wasn't quite sure as he was still near the door to the room, facing Mira's back.

He walked forward and upon moving closer realized that she was speaking, though not clearly, and certainly not in her normal voice. The others were watching her intently. Though he was significantly taller than her and would normally have been able to see over her shoulder he moved to her side instead, lest she sense his presence. Her wand was out and he saw in front of her, floating in midair, the necklace that Flitwick had given her in Charms the day before.

He looked from her wand to her face, and then froze. Her eyes were clouded over, an eerie white replacing the sharp green he was used to seeing. She was repeating an incantation he had never heard before in a tone he was unfortunately familiar with. She was in a trance.

Wand aimed at the diamond in the necklace's center, one twist of her wrist and the necklace moved and jerked at her will. He couldn't help but stare as the others did. An invisible breeze, a sort of energy, was coming from the enchanted necklace in front of her, the glow of which cast a light on her face, making her appear almost ethereal.

He had seen people in trances before, but never with such exacting control. It took a great amount of emotional endurance and in his opinion, emotional damage, to perform this kind of magic. She was quite literally channeling every negative, destructive emotion she had ever felt, anger, sadness, betrayal, spite, into the object in front of her.

He knew this, because she knew this, and they came from the same place. Though he long ago chose not to taint himself by using dark magic, it hardly meant he did not know how.

He ran a hand over his freshly shaven face as he watched her, eyes darting from her to the necklace and back again. The power running from her wand to the necklace was building to the point where it looked as though she was about to be consumed by it. Her breathing became more rapid as she continued reciting, faster now, the pressure building, all eyes fixated on her, until finally she stopped, and the necklace in front of her jolted and stopped moving.

Lips slightly parted Sirius could see the color of her eyes start to come back to her and watched as her long eyelashes fluttered frantically trying to adjust to her regular state of consciousness.

She opened her eyes again, wincing; the sudden loss of adrenaline no doubt now the cause of a horrific headache. Using her wand she placed the now eerily still necklace back down on the table.

Still not meeting anyone's eyes she began to speak, slowly, though this time in her normal voice, "…in order for the magic to work …the object has to have a pulse…a pulse that beats the same as the emotion you feed into it…,' she looked up now and met every pair of eyes in the room, 'you can't partially commit…or it won't work."

Rosier shot her a wry grin, "Alright, but where's the proof it's actually cursed now?"

Her eyes darted sharply in his direction and narrowed, _"Why don't you try it on?"_

Rosier curtly laughed and looked around at Snape and Wilkes who did not seem amused.

He looked back at Mira, the grin wiped clean from his face, "But I'm a bloke."

"I noticed. Put it on anyway since you're so eager to contribute." Rosier disgusted her and it was evident in her voice.

"Alright then _sweetheart_." He snarled at her, stood up, violently grabbed the necklace off the table and fastened the clasp behind his neck.

For a moment he stood there pompously, and then suddenly the smile left his face and was replaced by a look of horror. Apparently he could see something the rest of them could not. Beads of sweat began to grow on his face and he looked as though he was about to vomit.

Grinning with satisfaction Mira continued to watch as suddenly he started to convulse and grab at his throat. Sirius had thought he was attempting to remove the necklace but instead it seemed he was attempting to choke himself. Snape smiled sickly and the others looked on admiringly at Mira.

Finally she stunned Rosier and he fell to the floor in an unconscious slump, twitching. She circled him once, pointed her wand at his throat, and with a flick of her wrist the necklace unlatched itself and came off, floating towards her and back onto the table.

Begrudgingly she pointed her wand at him again, "Ennervate."

His face remained drained of all color as he came to, the others watching him cautiously as he attempted to stand back up. Though not much taller than Mira, he had quite a stocky build and watching him struggle to keep his balance seemed unnatural. He muttered something none of them could hear and left the room in a rampage.

Mira's face was unreadable as he left and with an air of authority she faced the remaining people in the room and gave an order, somewhat impatiently, "Don't all leave together then…do it in turns."

Snape surveyed her quickly and understanding something the others did not, nodded his head in approval before leaving the room first, signaling for everyone else to follow suit.

Sirius froze, knowing now with everyone out of the room the likelihood of her hearing him had just increased tenfold.

After everyone had left, Sirius expected Mira to as well. Only problem was she wasn't leaving; she was just standing there, her back to him, facing the door. Finally she turned around, shaking slightly. She looked very faint and was facing him directly, though not knowing he was there, looked right through him. What was she doing?

She began to walk towards him and he moved out of her way, but she stumbled and nearly fell into him. Continuing to move backwards as quickly as possible he watched her regain her composure and gravitate towards the stone wall. Willing herself not to lose consciousness she very carefully felt the wall against her hands, placed her back to it, and slowly sunk to the floor.

Sirius continued watching her very cautiously, trying to take in what was happening. She wasn't making any noise, except for her shallow breathing, and was staring blankly at the ground, one knee bent towards her chest, the other now following. All the color drained from her face and her body began to shake. He couldn't look away, and was beginning to feel increasingly uncomfortable as he watched her clearly suffering from the aftereffects of what she had just done. And then…he saw tears. She was making hardly any noise, and had he not been staring so intently at her face he wouldn't have even known she was crying.

He knew she would rather die than be seen like this by anyone, let alone him. He had wanted to find some type of blackmail; some weakness of hers, and this was surely it. That she was human…had a heart even. But somehow he felt less triumphant about discovering it than he had anticipated. Instead, much to his horror, he felt sympathy…and dare he say it…interest.

And then suddenly, she stopped crying. Angrily she wiped away the tears from her face, her nose now red, lips and eyes swollen, and she forced herself to stand back up.

Once back on her feet she turned in the direction of the necklace still lying on the table, pulled out her wand, closed her eyes for a moment, and then aimed directly in front of her, "REDUCTO"

The spell was so strong the necklace exploded instantly into a million jagged pieces. The diamond at its center cracked down the middle, and turned to fine glistening fragments of dust.

Sirius, attempting to shield himself from the shrapnel, backed up into one of the chairs set in the room so loudly there was no way she could not have heard him.

Her eyes darted around the room and she froze, looking for the source of the noise. She saw nothing in front of her, nothing behind her. She raised a brow in suspicion and continued surveying the room, her wand still out.

Wondering if she could feel his eyes on her as she had in the hallway that morning he crept very carefully along the side of the wall away from the chairs and away from her.

No longer secure she moved quickly towards the door, turned around once more, and then with one last look around the room, slammed the door shut behind her.

Sirius immediately took off the cloak and threw it angrily on the floor. After pacing back and forth for a minute he summoned one of the chairs his way. He sat down as it appeared in front of him and hunched over to rest his elbows on his knees. He laced his fingers through his hair, frustrated and overwhelmed. If he had been distracted and off-balance this morning, it was nothing compared to what he felt now.


	4. Uninvited

James kept focused on walking as he struggled to keep up with Sirius' ever-quickening stride. Sirius, for once eager to _avoid _the attention he usually received, wanted nothing more than to make his way to Potions and blend into the background of the classroom.

As they kept walking, James smirked and nodded at Lily who passed them both and stared imploringly at Sirius. James, dropping his smirk immediately, caught up with his best friend, "You're not actually going to explain to me what happened are you?"

Irritated, Sirius kept his gaze forward and continued walking, "I've already told you James, it's nothing, what are you so worried for? Do I ever let anything bother me for more than a day? Two days maybe?"

James didn't answer but looked at him suspiciously. Yes Sirius had a way of saying things to make it appear as though he had no care in the world, but he knew better. Something was different about whatever was bothering him this time.

When they finally got to class they barreled roughly into the room and sat at the very back in the far corner as the others filed in after them. Sirius leaned back in his chair and surveyed the room once. Eyes darting towards the door he rubbed his neck and put his hands behind his head to relax, leaning even further back. Every now and then he ran his fingers absentmindedly through his hair, struggling to relieve the tension he felt coursing through his entire body.

Mira walked in and moved to the table at the front of the classroom where Snape sat waiting, his eyebrow arched, and feigning disinterest. When she sat down he glanced back in Sirius and James' direction, a look of loathing on his face. James returned this look with equal contempt and Sirius near snarled at him. Snape's face flushed and he faced forward again, Professor Slughorn signaling the start of class.

James watched as Sirius's eyes seemed to burn into Mira's back and he gave him another imploring look which Sirius returned by ignoring him completely. James responded by purposely dropping the contents of his cauldron on the floor making Sirius nearly fall off his chair. Still unmoved however he remained seated while James bent down to gather the fallen contents. Seeing as his best friend wasn't going to give him the answer he wanted the normal way, he intended to manipulate the situation until he did.

There was green ooze now seeping across the floor and burning holes dangerously near to Sirius' feet. Smoke now rising in a rather conspicuous way James waited but Sirius, still intent on being stubborn, remained tilted back in his chair.

Frustrated at last, James shot a spell at Sirius' chair which made the back leg crack, causing him to jump up to keep from falling over. A few people laughed and at this James smiled and said quite loudly, "Could you give me a hand Sirius?"

Professor Slughorn, though visibly irritated, continued on with the lesson.

Sirius, now officially annoyed, bent down to help and shot James a furtive glance, "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

Ignoring the question he whispered, _"What the hell happened last night?"_

He didn't want to answer. He wasn't even sure himself of what happened last night. Vanishing away the last of the spilled contents with a flick of his wand he said too calmly to be bluffing, "Ask me again and I'll embarrass you in front of your dear Lily."

The color in James' face drained as he stood back affronted and rather loudly pulled back his chair.

Both sitting now James glimpsed the smug look on Sirius' face and felt his blood boil. "Excuse me _Sirius, _but where the _hell_ do you get off?"

Sirius shot him another look of warning but James continued, his whispering becoming much louder now.

Professor Slughorn, now interrupted, stopped abruptly and glared in their direction.

Usually Sirius could get away with anything in this class, he was one of his best students. James on the other hand Slughorn found annoying and it was obvious when he addressed them, "Mr. Potter, please do not interrupt again, unless you have something to contribute to the entire class."

James replied sheepishly, "My apologies professor."

As everyone was looking back at them now, James caught Lily's eye and very obviously winked at her, to which she responded by looking repulsed. Snape staring back at them as well took notice of this and cursed inwardly.

"_Stop fidgeting you look so uncomfortable."_ Mira said in hushed tones to Snape who was sitting next to her looking mutinous.

"_I _am_ uncomfortable…I'm crawling out of my skin_." Snape grit his teeth, trying desperately to ignore the charade going on in the back of the classroom and stared back down at his notes, furiously concentrating.

Mira winced knowingly back at him, "At least you can drown it out for the most part. I envy your discipline. I rarely have that kind of inner tranquility."

He snapped back, "Oh _believe me_ it's not tranquility…I'm just biding my time. Him and Black think they're so gifted, I'd love to see them up against what you and I know."

She regarded him for a moment and glanced back at the subjects in question. "Sirius knows more than he's letting on."

Snape stopped what he was doing and shifted his eyes toward Mira again, "What on _earth_ would possibly give you that idea."

With a tinge of bitterness in her voice she grabbed the gurdyroots on the table in front of her and began chopping, "We grew up together remember?"

Snape sneered as he remembered this unsavory fact and began furiously scribbling in his notes again, "As far as I'm concerned anyone who counts James Potter as worthy company deserves to be dragged out into the street and cursed."

Laughing quietly at his choice of words Mira began to stir the contents of her cauldron.

Slughorn had finished reprimanding James, though not without decreeing he switch seats with the painfully shy Gryffindor girl sitting at the table in front of him next to Lily. Coupled off in new pairs, Sirius with Lily's shy friend, and James with Lily, it was only a matter of time before class was interrupted again.

Sure enough within five minutes all attention once again turned to the back of the room as Lily Evans shouted, "I said NO you overstuffed peacock!"

Everyone watched as James released Lily's arm as though scalded and fell over backwards in the process. Lily, looking only slightly remorseful, grabbed her things quickly, apologized to Professor Slughorn, and stalked quickly out of the room. Slughorn looked completely baffled as to why his favorite student had just so abruptly left his lesson.

Sirius standing right behind James visibly tried to suppress a laugh. James looked anything but amused. Snape however made no attempt at stifling _his_ laughter and Mira shot him a furtive glance as all eyes in the room now turned sharply in their direction.

Incensed, James spoke directly to Snape, "Something funny Snivellus?"

Snape, unable to master his intense emotions regarding Lily began to mumble something under his breath. Mira at his side remained where she was but said nothing. She looked up at James who was eyeing Snape ferociously but when her eyes darted behind him she saw that Sirius was standing, his arms folded, looking directly at her. She met his look, somewhat uncomfortably, and then quickly looked away. Snape continued to say nothing.

"Snivellus did you hear me? I said what's so funny?!" James made to walk forward but Sirius held his arm back to stop him and gave him a look of warning.

Slughorn now made a feeble attempt at claiming order, "Now now Mr. Potter what exactly is going on here?!"

Mira was standing now as well but kept silent; this was not her battle, and not her place to get involved. She knew Snape's pride and character very well, he would see it as more humiliating than helpful if she did anything.

Her eyes dashed back to Sirius who was continuing to gaze unabashedly in her direction, a note of suspicion behind his eyes. Seeing this as a threat she fingered the wand in her robes.

Snape tried to maintain what little composure he had left and responded, though shakily, "Clearly _Potter, _you can't take a hint. Don't you get it? _She doesn't want you._"

Mira quickly looked back at her friend, surprised he had the nerve, but then flinched and fell back a few paces as she felt something hot and painful rush past her arm. James had his wand outstretched in her general direction though it was clear his spell was intended for Snape. Unfortunately for him he missed.

Brandishing her wand she looked angrily in James' direction and shot a curse back at him so fast he only narrowly missed being hit. The sound of crashing potions ingredients now filled the room behind him where the curse missed. The others in the class jumped and yelled in shock, rushing to get out of the way and avoid becoming collateral damage.

What followed next was about four things at once. Sirius looked accusingly at Mira and hit her with a curse so strong to the chest she was momentarily knocked off her feet. Snape took this opportunity to curse James who responded in kind.

When Mira came to she saw Sirius' face, anger etched in his features, anger directed at her, and with equal if not greater force she stood up, aimed, and hit Sirius back with a curse that left a nasty gash across his left arm.

Slughorn no longer overcome by shock cast a shield spell between the four duelers and bellowed across the room, "STOP, ALL OF YOU, DESIST AT ONCE."

Frustrated at the spell now preventing them from contact, all four of them turned towards Slughorn. Half the students had at this point rushed from the room.

Slughorn looked back at the four tense and angry faces in front of him, "I have never in all my years at Hogwarts seen such insubordinate behavior from my students. Fifty points each from Gryffindor and Slytherin, and I'm afraid I will have to put all four of you in detention. Now I suggest you all head back to your common rooms at once!" Slughorn angrily made his way back to his desk and waited, arms folded, for them to leave the room.

Too angry to make eye contact with each other, they left in pairs. Once safely out of the room James turned to Sirius who was removing his robes to examine the cut on his arm, his white button-down now stained with red on the sleeve. He glanced at Mira as she walked out of the room and crossed his line of vision. Their eyes met in equal frustration, neither satisfied with being stopped mid-duel, neither content to let this lie as it was. Appearing as though rooted to the spot, Snape grabbed her by the arm and led her on down the corridor.

"Yeah keep walking ya slimy git!" James shouted at Snape as he walked away.

Once they were out of earshot James looked sternly at Sirius, "You didn't have to do that mate."

"Yes I did,' he rolled up the cuff of his left sleeve, revealing the cut on his forearm, 'Bloody bitch deserved it."

He continued to gaze at her back as she walked further and further down the corridor, "Oh and James….ease up a bit with Evans. Trust me, if you leave her alone for a bit it'll throw her off and eventually she'll come running in your direction."

"You think so?"

"Trust me."

There was no peace in his mind as he walked off with James back towards the Gryffindor common room. The night prior had altered his comfortable understanding of the world around him and it unnerved him so much he felt a bit of a loose cannon. Perhaps his growing disillusionment and incumbent decision to leave his family's house for good was weighing too heavily on his mind. He needed to do what he usually did when something bothered him.

Reckless was his defining trait by way of necessity, he used it to distract his mind, keep him focused, and shut out what was unwelcome and uninvited. Right now that was Mira.

It had taken considerably longer for her and Snape to reach the dungeons than it did James and Sirius to reach their common room. Mira was still pale-faced with rage and Snape looked as though he was about to be sick, a brooding dark look overcoming his already harsh features.

Fists clenched, Mira undid the top button of her shirt, feeling choked, and violently threw her bag on the couch facing the fire, "Severus, next time will you _please _learn to ignore your feelings for Lily when you're up against that bastard Potter?!' Still standing and angry she refused to sit down and ignoring Snape's contemptuous look continued, 'You know more magic than him, more than he could ever dream of knowing, so _use it next time_!"

"_Don't take your anger with Black out on me Mira."_

"Excuse me?"

"Oh as if we all don't know you despise him. Nothing to be ashamed of, you have every reason to, but _do not project that anger onto me._" he spoke in that characteristic drawl he was infamous for and Mira merely aimed her wand at the hearth and stoked the fire more, her anger reflected in the green glow.

Snape seeing she was in no mood to argue continued on a rant of the many ways in which James and Sirius deserved to suffer and die when he said something that caught her attention once more, _"-with that infernal cloak, thinks he can get away with whatever he wants_—

Mira quickly looked away from the fire and back at Snape, "What cloak? What are you talking about?"

"_Oh but didn't you know?_ Potter and Black use an invisibility cloak to stalk around the castle grounds at night. I discovered it for myself when I..I.." Snape trailed off, remembering the binding promise he had made to Dumbledore the year prior, 'I followed them to see what they were doing one night..." He left it at that.

Mira suddenly turned stark white and felt her stomach drop. The night before when everyone had left, she had been crying in the Room of Requirement and could've sworn she'd heard a noise, sensed a presence. She had humiliated Sirius the day before, perhaps he was looking for a way to get her back, perhaps it had been him that she heard when she thought she had been alone.

Snape continued talking, but she was now only half-listening. The thought that he had been there, seen her in such a vulnerable state had taken hold of her mind completely. She never bared that much emotion to anyone, rarely even to herself. She could feel the blood beneath her skin start to boil and the heat rise in her face as she stood up, and aimed her wand at the back of a 5th year whose voice was shrilly recounting some mundane story to one of her friends, "Will you _shut up!"_

Startled, the girl stopped speaking and cowered slightly in fear. Snape looked at Mira, his expression blank, though clearly realizing he had overlooked something he had said to her.

She looked back at the 5th year and at him with an air of authority, as if to say I dare you to question me and stalked off to the door of the common room, and walked through it. If he had found a way to track her the night before, he would do it again, and she couldn't rest until she was sure the disturbing theory that had now implanted itself in her mind was put to rest.


	5. Bloodstream

The Marauder's Map lay sprawled on the ground in front of his feet as Sirius sat on the floor of the Gryffindor common room. He had been counting on a worthy distraction tonight, he needed one, but as of yet, none came.

His eyes perused the map as he continued to watch Mira Lestrange's dot pace back and forth in the hall near the dungeons. She had left the Slytherin common room and had been pacing for the better part of an hour ever since. What was she thinking? More importantly, why did he care?

"Sirius, I'm having trouble with my transfiguration homework, do you think you could help me?" The soft melodic voice of Ariana Brighton drifted into his ears as she called to him from across the room.

Alas, an opportunity for distraction. Ariana fancied him, he knew this, and she was quite pretty, if not entirely devoid of independent thought. On second thought that's exactly what he needed right now.

He responded in a way he knew would bait her, "Is it really that hard Ari?"

Ariana beckoned again but before he could get up his eyes caught something on the map in front of him. Mira had finally stopped pacing and was now heading further and further up the staircases in what looked like a rush. Was she going back to the Room of Requirement?

There were times in his life when he wished he was not so impulsive but now was not one of them. He knew unless this was put to rest it would only get worse. And he was not about to let that happen. He folded up the map and walked—half ran, up to the dormitories where James was groggily attempting to reach his bed before falling asleep on the way.

Sirius stood in the doorway, "James you mind if I borrow your cloak?"

Irritated, James walked up to the trunk by his four-poster, pulled out the cloak and threw it at him, "Go ahead."

Sirius left the room almost as soon as he caught it and ignored rather well Ariana's offended tone as she asked where he was going.

He just wanted a reason, any reason, to stop thinking about her, to stop imagining she was anything other than what he'd always believed she'd been.

When he got to the seventh floor corridor he saw her standing outside the room, alone, as though waiting for someone. He watched as she closed her eyes and focused on the request that he knew would allow her entrance into the room.

Finally the door began to materialize and he kept a safe distance behind her as he followed her shadowed figure into the room. Three paces in and suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks. It was not the cold dungeon the room had transformed into the night before. This time it was the room in its normal state, stacked to the ceiling with piles of junk and relics he didn't recognize. Something wasn't right. Sirius froze and instinctively felt for the wand he had tucked in his pocket. Just as he came close to grabbing it however Mira turned on the spot and shouted, "STUPEFY!"

Hit square in the chest, he flew backwards until his back collided hard with a tower of old wooden cabinets which fell spectacularly to the ground with the impact. Dust flying everywhere, his cloak now lost somewhere in the rubble along with the cover it provided, she leered at the sight of him. He stood back up as swiftly as possible, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, taking in the look of pure hatred etched across the features of the woman in front of him...so she _had _heard him last night.

Her face flushed, she raised her wand at him again, "_I knew it was you, you son of a bitch._"

As the words left her mouth she held her wand steady and cast a curse that set his temple alight with pain. He staggered backwards, swore loudly and clutched at his forehead.

He couldn't see and his eyes were beginning to water as the pain in his head mounted to an almost intolerable level. Reveling thoroughly in the control now at her disposal she forced herself to break the curse over him and lowered her wand, "_Happy now you've seen for yourself just how _tainted_ I really am?_"

Taken aback he looked at her, the stinging pain in his head beginning to subside. She was shaking, defensive in her stance, waiting for him to respond.

Disgust rising in his chest and anger at what brought him here in the first place he fingered his wand preparing to aim, "You're not the only one who's tainted Mira."

She wasn't expecting it. He hit her with a force so strong she felt as though she had lost the ability to breathe and fell to the ground. A familiar pain crept over her and invaded her mind, painful memories from her past being brought to the surface in sense-memory only. She felt as though her skin was burning as visions of her past danced in front of her and crept their way through her veins, sending poison through her body. This was dark magic.

He looked down at her with no remorse. She, who thought herself superior in dark magic to all others, had never come up against his skill, his speed, his hitherto hidden talents. Though the pain coursing through her was blinding she somehow managed to pick up her wand from the ground. Vision slightly blurred she undershot her aim, the spell intended for his face only grazing his collarbone where two angry gashes now appeared, instantly seeping scarlet red blood through his white shirt.

At this, his hold over her relinquished and she stood back up, mentally freeing herself of the spell. She threw another curse at him this time hitting directly. A deep gash now appeared on the side of his face. She smirked, out of breath, as she watched him stagger backwards and bring his fingers up to the fresh blood on his face in shock.

He glared at her for a moment in disbelief, and walking towards her hit her with another curse; she blocked it. He tried again, but again she blocked him. Pace quickening, pushing her backwards as he prowled in her direction, he shot a third curse, a fourth, a fifth, all of which she continued to block. He stopped walking and in one shallow breath waved his wand diagonally in front of her, too fast finally for her to block, and long shallow cuts that quite resembled scratches began to blossom along her neck. She was speechless and he momentarily paused to appreciate this, those dark piercing eyes sending shivers down her spine as they looked her up and down.

The moment broke and they were properly dueling now, blocking and aiming curses back and forth at a pace neither of them were used to. Instead of losing energy however, they seemed to be gaining it, both feeding off each other's adrenaline in an almost carnal way. As their fighting intensified so did the collateral damage. The dust being kicked up and the endless objects collapsing to the ground now made it ten times harder to maneuver around the room, and they found themselves backed into an area roughly the size of a large broom cupboard.

Blood began to pour more steadily from the wound on his face as she hit him with a spell that deepened the damage already there. At this, anger and intent spread to his fingertips and he effortlessly sent a curse in her direction so powerful that it sent her flying backwards into a large mirror propped up by a weak wooden base. The mirror broke with the impact and glass shards fell alongside her to the floor.

Sirius watched all of this with a twisted mixture of pleasure at what he had done and concern for how he was hurting her. Her hair now disheveled, strands falling gracefully over her green eyes, she rose again to full form, and then stared at him in an almost indecent manner as she slowly pulled out a large shard of glass from her arm, ignoring the sting and flow of blood that followed. Taken aback he returned her look with equal intensity…his eyes now selfishly absorbing what he had before overlooked. How hadn't he seen it before…how beautiful she was.

She couldn't pull her eyes away, entranced by the man who had proven to be her equal, even coming close to defeating her. Admiring the state of him, her gaze fell upon the muscles in his chest and arms, up to that perfectly defined jaw line of his, the cut on his face not diminishing his looks in the slightest, but rather enhancing them. Funny how he seemed to be looking at her in the same intense manner, and funny, she thought, that thinking he had defeated her he began to lower his wand.

Her eyes left his and looked maniacally to the tall tower behind his left shoulder, stacked so high to the ceiling she needed to strain her neck to view it all. Sensing what she was about to do, he yelled, "MIRA DON'T."

In vain though, as with all the strength she had left she shouted, "REDUCTO," sending green sparks zooming past his ear. He turned to look at what she'd hit and saw the tower full of ancient debris start to shake.

Mira turned on the spot and ran through the narrow pathway that still remained behind them, Sirius quickly following suit. He near collided into her however as she hadn't made it very far. She had unintentionally trapped them where they stood. Only solid wall stood behind them amidst the debris. The tower began to shake harder and began to lean towards them, preparing to fall, in what seemed like slow motion.

Helpless to stop it, Sirius grabbed the collar of Mira's shirt, and pushed her none too gently against the wall. He heard her back hit the stone as he held her there and the crash of the tower falling to the ground behind them.

His attempt to shield them both from the shrapnel had partly worked, though the noise was deafening and they were both coughing from the dust that riddled the air around them.

When it finally settled, and he was able to open his eyes again, he violently grabbed her wrists, pinning her arms in place behind her back, "ARE YOU MAD?!"

Her body tensed and he looked into her eyes again trying desperately to understand what eluded him beyond words.

She moved just a fraction of an inch closer to answer him in the hopes that the proximity would unnerve him as it did her, "_I thought you didn't believe in using dark magic."_

Less than inches apart now, his breathing very audible, he struggled to think of a coherent response when his lips accidently brushed against her cheek. Her arms tensed in his grasp as he held her still and felt his anger give way to a different emotion entirely. Eyes hazing over he felt them grow heavy as his lips moved and he breathed her in, barely touching the surface of her skin, drinking in the contours of her face. He was close, so very close to losing control, and he stopped, strands of his hair now gently touching her forehead. And then suddenly he let go of her wrists as if scalded.

He hadn't meant for that to happen, she brought too much emotion out of him. He took a step backwards and felt self-disgust wash over him.

Mira watched his every move, eyes narrowing as though she was recalculating something in her head. Her lips were swollen and small shards of glass lay haphazardly stuck to various parts of exposed skin, glittering in what little light was left in the room.

Tense and already feeling the ache of torn muscle, he began to shake off the bits of dust and debris clinging to his clothes, the backs of his hands covered in dry blood, the blood on his face still blossoming from where she had cursed him. Not even his cousin Bella had come close to doing what he just witnessed Mira do.

He looked back at her once more and began fixing the cuff of his sleeve. Finally, regaining his typical confident stature he broke the silence, "We need to leave."

He waited for her to protest but to his surprise she did not. She merely nodded her head in agreement, her expression unreadable.

He aimed his wand in front of them and began to walk, casting aside debris, maneuvering his way over and through the mountain of rubble ahead of them. Mira followed cautiously in his wake, though far enough behind that he walked through the door to leave before she got there.

As she made to step onto the threshold into the 7th floor corridor she collided with his arm which he had held out to stop from her leaving.

His back to her still standing in the doorway he scoped the hall and whispered, "_I just saw Filch, don't move."_

Finally he stepped through the threshold. His head spinning, he left her standing there and made to walk back to the common room but when he didn't hear her footsteps behind him he stopped and turned around.

Mira was looking down at her side wincing in pain. There was a thick shard of glass cutting into her waist, forgotten and unfelt amidst the adrenaline rush of before, now suddenly burning in pain. She looked back at him, anger now clearly discernible in her eyes.

His eyes darted around them to ensure they were still alone and he reluctantly moved towards her again.

She grabbed her wand and held it out at him,_ "Don't touch me."_

Sirius quickly put his wand away to show her he had no intention of defending himself should she attack right now. She took this to mean he was going to leave, but instead he walked around her so he was standing behind her, and quickly put his left hand over her mouth, the shock of which made her drop her wand to the floor. She nearly bit him in response. Expecting this, he brought her closer to him and whispered urgently in her ear, the warmth of which sent shivers down her spine, "I'm trying to fix it, so _don't move_…and don't scream either."

She was in too much pain to fight him and without her wand it would've been pointless anyway. Sirius was about 6 inches taller than her and well-built…she could feel the muscles contract underneath his shirt as he tightened his hand over her mouth and began to pull the glass out of her side. She felt dizzy and as he began to pull he felt her twitch and stopped, waiting a moment before he began to pull again. Finally he felt her clench her jaw and close her eyes tight in pain as he wrenched the glass completely from her skin. He threw it to the floor and waited a moment before removing his hand from her mouth, finally standing back, away from her.

He walked around so that he was facing her again and held out her wand to her in a mock bow.

She took it back sharply, wincing as the newly exposed wound stung even more now, and finally found her voice, "You're not who you think you are."

Sirius paused, looked her up and down once more, thinking about what James had said about her being easy on the eyes, "Neither are you love…"


	6. Detention

The murmur in the corridors as he walked past was deafening. The bandage on his cheek was far from inconspicuous and he struggled to keep from touching it with his fingertips, self-conscious of the uneven shave on his face. Under normal conditions Madam Pomfrey would've been able to mend the cut in a day, but having been dark magic she had a particularly hard time doing so and he was forced to wear this for at least another week.

Mira was not faring much better, a fact Sirius bluntly pointed out during their first detention the next day. They were stuck in the catacombs of the Potions office, organizing and separating the endless pile of ingredients that had been neglected and misplaced for ages…without wands.

He wanted to look away when he saw the state of her, and felt the sting of regret coursing through his system as he spoke, "Your healing spells are horrible."

With angry eyes she glared at him, struggling with the box in her hands, "I had no dittany and couldn't go to Madam Pomfrey seeing as you went first."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry? You know I wasn't planning on hurting you last night…much."

She snapped back, "You haven't even come _close_ to hurting me."

"Afraid to give me the chance?" he cocked a grin and his face lit up, as it always did when he smiled or laughed, something she was noticing more and more as of late.

She made to reply but the box she was holding slipped from her grip and landed loudly on the floor. Frustrated she frowned as he reached down in front of her and effortlessly picked it up, continuing to grin at her as he did so, "You're useless without your wand aren't you? Typical pureblood princess."

She sneered, "_Don't call me a princess._"

Brushing against her arm as he walked past he lifted the box onto the top shelf where it belonged and turned to face her, "Stop acting like one then. And bring another box down will you? Try not to drop it this time."

It was musty in the room and increasingly warm. Sirius had his sleeves pushed up as far as they would go, and was beginning to loosen the tie around his neck when Mira did as he asked and set the box down on the small table between them. He sat down on the tall metal stool and whipped out an ancient looking knife from his pocket, quickly cutting the box down the middle to reveal various insect parts and plant roots.

Without speaking they both begrudgingly began taking out and sorting the contents. He wasn't angry or tense, as he had been in her presence as of late, but rather felt oddly relaxed. She was, he noticed, and perhaps always had been, disturbingly familiar.

Willing herself to speak she looked up hesitantly, "Why did you follow me last night?"

He wouldn't meet her eyes and responded quicker than she'd expected, "Why were you crying?"

Her face turned red with embarrassment and fury as she remembered what had caused them to fight so passionately the night before, "I don't expect you would understand—

"Oh but I do.' he looked up at her now, 'I was watching you. I learned from the same teachers you did. Self-inflicted pain. Though you called it something else didn't you? What was it? Oh yes, fully committing so that the object has a _pulse_. Impressive yes, but healthy? Not very much."

Sirius watched in slight surprise as she undid the top two buttons of her shirt and pulled her collar back. Tilting her neck to the side she delicately removed the sloppily placed bandage that lay there to reveal the long cuts he had given her the night before, still raw, no doubt now scarring. He cringed inwardly but at the same time felt some sort of sick accomplishment.

Satisfied he had seen she placed the bandage back in place and turned his own words against him, "Impressive yes, but sorry to say you're just as sick as the rest of us."

He kept his temper at bay as he said matter of factly, "The only thing that binds me to that world is the blood in my veins, and if I didn't need that to survive I'd have cursed it out of me by now." He knew she considered what he just said to be sacrilege and continued, 'It's just _blood_ Mira, it doesn't mean anything."

"So it's worked. You've convinced yourself?' she went back to sorting again, 'your own friends don't even know who you really are."

"And you do? Is that it?" He slammed the knife down on the table and stood up startling her, but forcing her attention back on him, "_Poor little lost girl, she doesn't fit in anywhere, she's got no one to love."_

She stood up as well, "_Me?! I'm lost? Look at you! Where the hell do you fit in?!" _Color began to flood her face with emotion, "Don't you think I know how you feel? You think I don't know what it's like to hear every single day that you're not good enough, that your pureblood Muggle-hating fanaticism isn't quite at the level it _should_ be!? What it's like to feel as though you're choking in your own house…forced to do things that give you nightmares…nothing holding you back from complete and total self-destruction? But you! You prance around as if your soul is clean, but it's not, you proved that last night. You're _lying to yourself._ Don't you _get it?!_"

Rather than give in to the anger she always brought out of him he attempted to reason with her, "If you really feel this way and you really believe that then why do you think I'm leaving? Why don't _you _just leave?"

"Because I don't have your options Sirius, I can't_just leave…__"_

_He couldn't mask his anger any longer and it showed, "__I don't buy that."_

_The volume of her voice rose considerably, "Well that's handy cus I'm not selling it, it's a fact."_

At that moment Professor Slughorn walked in to find the two of them standing rather offensively across from each other as if they were about to fight. He took this as a sign they had done enough work for one day and dismissed them, still wondering though if he would ever understand what could possibly make so many of his young students so unreasonably angry with one another.


	7. Shape Of My Heart

"_I hated the lot of them: my parents with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal... my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them... They thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge._" –Sirius Black

She was different here, amongst her own. At Hogwarts she was either vilified or glorified, depending upon who you talked to, but here it was different. She was calmer, and much more in control, for the most part. This, after all, was the environment she knew best how to manipulate. In stark contrast to this was Sirius, who became hostile and even more short-tempered than usual the second he walked through the front door of his house. In honor of the upcoming wedding between Mira's brother and Sirius' cousin, Bellatrix's parents had decided to host a dinner between the two families at 12 Grimmauld Place over the Christmas holidays.

She had been in this house many times before when she was younger, but not in recent years. It wasn't until she was face to face with Sirius and his entire family that she realized just how much time had gone by. Regulus was no longer baby-faced and seemed to have grown a chip on his shoulder since the last time she saw him. Mrs. Black was just as she always was; exceedingly haughty, extremely intimidating, and full of open contempt for her eldest son who stood brooding at her right side. The bandage on his face was gone now but a very faint scar remained.

Mr. Black, Orion, as she heard him called by his wife, was imposing and overbearing. When he greeted her she bowed her head slightly out of respect and gave a sort of half-smile as he proceeded to compliment her on what he'd heard of her talents as of late. She could see Sirius out of the corner of her eye looking at her in disdain as his father patted her on the shoulder.

Once all the niceties were observed everyone segregated themselves and dispersed, leaving Sirius, Mira, and Bellatrix lingering awkwardly amongst each other in the hallway. Bellatrix had been eyeing her ravenously since she walked into the room behind them, her arms crossed in a bored sort of way. She and her never got on, one theory as to why being that Bella felt threatened by her, in more ways than one.

Mira stayed where she was leaning against the wall, observing quietly as Bella twirled strands of her violently curly hair between her fingers and sidled right up to Sirius, ruffling his hair about, "Aren't you going to congratulate me?!"

Sirius swatted her hand away and looked mutinous, "_For what?_"

Bella narrowed her eyes in disgust and calmly turned to look directly at Mira, "He's funny my cousin isn't he?"

Mira didn't answer or look in her direction, just raised her eyebrow slightly in response. She knew Bella was trying to get a reaction out of her.

She continued, still looking at Mira, and leaned her elbow casually on Sirius' shoulder, "Handsome too, no?"

Mira looked back at her finally and replied coolly, "…as always."

Sirius' eyes widened slightly in surprise and he felt something rear its dormant head inside of him. He grabbed Bella's arm, steering her none too gently toward the living room, "Don't you have _wedding business_ to attend to?" He opened the door and pushed her through, the ghost of a mischievous smile still etched on her face as she walked forward.

Closing the door behind her he turned around, and nearly jumped as Kreacher began to pull at the bottom of his trousers. He instinctively kicked the elf off of him, sending him flying a short distance across the room landing right in front of Mira.

She grabbed the elf up by his arms off the floor pitying him and looked angrily up at Sirius, "He was only asking if you wanted anything to eat, you're so cruel."

Kreacher adjusted the pillowcase he was wearing and looked up at Mira adoringly, "Yes Miss Lestrange, young master Black _is_ cruel _and_ ruthless!"

"And handsome as well, don't forget that Kreacher." He smirked at Mira as he looked down at them both and made his way up the stairs.

He was removing himself from being alone with her on purpose. It had become quite clear to him in the past few weeks that what had started as mere curiosity for what he may have overlooked had grown into something far deeper than he cared to admit aloud. For reasons he wasn't entirely sure of she was much more guarded than he ever realized. She was also exceedingly more beautiful than he ever gave her credit for. Evidently hate and indifference, like love, is blinding. Perhaps that's why he never noticed it before. Now however it was hard for him not to stare whenever he was in her presence.

Call it arrogance or what have you, but he had never been spoken to with such blunt honesty by anyone in his entire life. Her words were laced with hate yes, but they were also true, for the most part, and that he could not deny. There were some things even James didn't understand about him, about the way he grew up, what he'd been through. So he chose not to tell him about any of this. He wouldn't understand, and quite frankly he didn't have to.

He opened the door to his room to reveal the posters he had forced to the wall, the Gryffindor hangings and school books thrown about. He would never set foot in here again after tomorrow night. And it was overwhelming. He hadn't told his brother, hadn't really spoken to his father in ages, and felt for the first time real pain at the idea that along with abandoning his home he was also leaving behind any hope at being truly treated like a son by his mother. That affects a boy you see, when his mother doesn't love him, doesn't accept him.

He opened his closet door and began rummaging through old clothes, shoes, boxes, some full, others half empty, sifting through the contents to see if there was anything worth saving. As he did so he came across a stack of old photos covered in dust lying on the floor in the corner. He picked them up and went through them, one by one. Most of them were of him and his brother as children, posing for family portraits or else holding up some sort of Black family relic that was supposed to mean something.

He came across one of his mother holding him as a baby, which made him cringe, and then another of her standing regally with her hands on his shoulders when he was five or six years old. And then he remembered…these pictures were in here for a reason. Years ago after one of their more memorable fights his mother had taken all the photos she had of the two of them and begun chucking them into the fire. The memory flashed before his eyes as vividly as if it had been yesterday.

"_You are no son of mine…" her face was soaked in tears as she threw each photo ceremoniously into the flames. _

"_Please Mother _let me," _he violently grabbed the photos from her hand and began throwing them with even more enthusiasm into the fire, his eyes watering from the proximity. He threw the rest on the floor and grabbed both his mother's arms to ensure she looked at him, "In fact I'll do you one better!" Tearing the ancient ring his father had given him from his finger he held it up to her eyes so she could see what he was about to do and threw it into the fire as well. _

_Regulus, who had been sitting quietly in the corner traumatized up until this point, stood up and tried to hold his mother back from lunging at his brother. Sirius tore from the room and ran to his father's study, madly searching for something. He could hear her screaming and crying even from the second floor, her yells of shock and anger at his insolence, what a disappointment he had been, how unworthy he was to have been born a Black. _

_When he barreled back into the room he was carrying a black leather-bound album full of weathered pages. Pages that recorded their entire family history, the day he was born a Black, the latest in a long line of proud and noble blood. Shaking with rage he looked from his mother to the book and back again and began tearing out the pages, throwing them with fury into the fire as well, watching the flames turn the corners black, curling inward, destroying what had been held sacred for so long. Regulus watched in horror and relinquished his hold on her._ _The second he did she reached forward and grabbed the book from her son's grasp, and with a flourish of her wand Sirius felt a bitterly hot curse hit him across the face. _

_Holding onto the book with a love much deeper than she had ever shown him, she stared, shaking violently, as he stood in front of her, a nasty burn now marked across his cheek, defiance written all over his features, and said, "I wish you had never been born.' _

_Upon hearing these words Sirius felt unimaginable grief run through his body, hot like fire, all the way to the tips of his fingers as his mother eyed him with a loathing she reserved for only the foulest of creatures, 'You are my life's greatest regret…" _

When the dust had settled Regulus was left alone in the room, the fireplace still crackling, burnt pages still littering the floor. He had bent down and collected the pictures his mother and older brother had not yet thrown into the fire and stowed them away in his room. He never outright gave them to his brother, choosing instead to leave them underneath his bedroom door one morning, but Sirius knew it had been him who left them there.

Trying hard to shake the memory he continued sifting through when he came across a photo that made his stomach drop. He must've been about seven years old. He was standing on a hill in someone's back garden and sitting on the ground next to him was a little girl with waist length black hair and strikingly green eyes, her arms crossed. He watched as his seven year old self started to laugh and pull at the girl's arm until she stood up, smiled, and started following him around as he pointed animatedly to something off in the distance. It was Mira.

Swallowing hard he folded the picture and put it in the pocket of his trousers, leaving the rest of the photos in the corner where they came from, along with a past he'd rather forget.


	8. Hide & Seek

**A/N: thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed!  
**

The house was becoming more and more crowded as the week went on. Mira had hoped her father would be too preoccupied to pay her much attention, what with so many pureblood families all under the same roof, but that was not to be the case. Perhaps he sensed her enthusiasm beginning to waver. Every single time she felt the cold grip of his hand on her shoulder she wanted to retch. He was threatening her without saying a word.

She listened every time her older brother reported back to everyone in the house with the latest news concerning the Dark Lord. He had not yet gained the power he so desperately wanted, but Mira knew it was only a matter of time. Of course, her brother had known him when he was only Tom Riddle.

Despite her pronouncements to the contrary Lord Voldemort was the only person Mira feared more than her father. More and more she felt this fear was becoming a part of her…never knowing who to trust, plotting in hatred and anger and secrecy, wishing she was someone else, anyone else, just to escape the pain that was slowly destroying her.

Wandering the house alone after another torturous dinner she found her mind drifting to the one person she had barely seen since she'd been here. Sirius. Too much had been left unsaid between the two of them since the night they fought so viciously in the Room of Requirement. Nobody shows that much passion in a fight unless they have a reason. It had occurred to her more than once since their brief conversation during detention that she was lying to herself about something. What she wasn't sure, but she did know that he had everything to do with it.

Finally on the third floor of the house she came to a door she had not opened in a long time. She turned the handle and walked into an almost completely dark room, the only visibility therein coming from the moonlight streaming through the far window.

She stepped slowly across the hardwood floor and lit the tip of her wand. Almost immediately her eyes caught sight of the enormous tapestry on the wall. Most of the faces illuminated on the Black family tree she recognized, though some she didn't. She took a step closer upon seeing Bella's face so magnanimously depicted in the thread. There was a dotted line next to her now that connected her to Rodolphus, whose pallid face was glaring up at her.

Her eyes continued to wander when she noticed something very odd. Someone was missing. A very light amount of smoke was issuing from what looked like a burn mark where Sirius' face should have been. Her eyes narrowed as she moved closer to touch the scorch mark, still warm beneath her fingers.

"Charming, my mother, isn't she?" A strained gravelly voice seemingly came from out of nowhere. Mira jumped and turned on the spot to see Sirius sitting in an armchair at the back of the room.

Her voice was accusatory as she held her wand out in defense, "You scared me…"

He didn't respond but only looked at her, his face expressionless as he watched her step out of the shadows and walk further into the moonlight streaming through the window. He had very much wanted to be alone after what had just happened, but when he saw her walk in, he couldn't will himself to say anything. He was too tired to yell at her to leave, and too content in watching her to care.

She saw the anger and exhaustion in his features when she took a step closer, "Did she do that? To the tapestry?"

Again he replied expressionless, "About an hour ago."

She put her wand away extinguishing the light that came from it, "So you told her. That you're leaving."

"I did.' He fingered the wand in his hands and looked away from her, 'She didn't take it very well. Can't imagine why. I would've thought she'd be relieved."

She had never seen him like this before. She wondered if he let other people see him this way, or if it was only to her that he granted that permission. And then a chill swept over her entire body as she realized something. What she had been lying to herself about. All this time she thought she hated the man sitting in front of her, but the truth was she didn't really _hate_ Sirius, not even a little bit…

"I'm sorry."

His voice felt lost in the room as he answered her, "For what?"

She took a step closer to him but stopped when she heard the crunch of broken glass beneath her feet. She looked down and then back at him. Her lips parted in slight surprise as she noticed his left forearm caked in dry blood and bits of jagged glass, "Sirius what happened to your arm?"

He pulled his sleeve down abruptly and stood up, "Nothing."

He didn't want to leave but he couldn't stay now. He brushed past her but determined she grabbed his uninjured arm and held him back, "Stop. You don't have to tell me what happened, just…don't leave. Please."

Did she just say please? He turned and stared down at her in slight suspicion. She had never _asked _him to do anything before.

Relieved he didn't seem to be fighting her, she continued to press him, "Sit down…"

Given his feelings as of late and the way she was looking at him he was having a hard time willing himself not to listen to her, so he did as she asked. Once he sat down again she summoned a chair of her own and sat directly across from him.

"May I see it?"

Reluctantly he held out his forearm to her which she took gently in her hands. It occurred to her how out of character this must seem to him, but she didn't care. The muscles in his arm tensed at her touch as she rolled the cuff of his sleeve up past his elbow and out of the way.

She assessed the damage before her and then started meticulously pulling out the small bits of glass stuck in the wound. It was so deep, and she was surprised the blood flow had stopped long enough for any of it to dry.

The way she was touching him so gently was making him shift in his seat, the feelings he had been trying to keep at bay since she'd been here coming dangerously close to the surface. Finally he asked her almost angrily, "Why are you doing this?"

She paused and looked up, "Why are you letting me?"

She held his gaze, waiting for an answer, and he regarded her for a moment before he exhaled in exhaustion, "…She kept saying I wasn't worthy to have pure blood run through my veins…' he half laughed in spite of himself and looked down, '…so I told her she was right…broke the glass off the mirror on the mantelpiece, stuck it in my wrist, dragged it up my arm…and told her she could have it back."

He looked back up at Mira who was silent, eyes narrowed in disbelief, searching his face for any trace of awareness of the weight in what he just said. But there was none.

"Hurting yourself to hurt others is irrational."

"Don't act like you've never done the same."

She averted her gaze almost instantly, "I don't know what you're talking about—

"_You're lying."_ He hadn't meant to but he near yelled at her.

Suddenly very aware that his arm was still in her hands, she let go of it and stood up, her voice calm but shaking slightly as she looked down at him, "Okay Sirius you're right, I'm lying. Happy now?"

He stood up and opened his mouth to speak when to his surprise she took her wand out again. He stopped where he was and watched as she lifted the hem of her robe up and with a flourish of her wand ripped off a long piece of it. The cloth fell off effortlessly and hovered in midair between them as she muttered a spell that set it alight in blue flames. She let it burn for a moment, the blue glow mesmerizing in the darkness of the room, and then grabbed it, the flames vanishing at her touch.

Visibly irritated she took his arm back in her hands and warned him, "This might sting…"

Looking up at him once more she pressed the cloth to the wound, at which he clenched his jaw a bit. He looked down at her as she held it there carefully in place until the blood began to slowly dissipate. It did in fact sting very much but he was doing everything in his power not to show it. His breathing a little more shallow he closed his eyes due to the pain.

Finally she lifted the cloth, noticing as she did that the muscles in his arm relaxed in her hands, "Do you have _any_ idea how dangerous this was? You could've bled out."

Perhaps it was his imagination, but it sounded as though she was actually concerned for his well-being. The thought was making it hard for him to concentrate as she began to tie the cloth around his arm. "To be honest I wasn't really thinking at the time—

"Well that's the problem isn't it, you're reckless."

"Oh and I suppose you're the level-headed one?"

"I didn't say that. Anyway, I guess it's a family trait."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Bella's the same way."

"You know…she doesn't really love your brother. She's only marrying him to get closer to Voldemort."

"Which part of that is supposed to shock me? Anyway…it's just as well,' suddenly her voice became more quiet as she finished tying the cloth and pulled at the knot she had made until it was sufficient, '…he doesn't deserve happiness."

He couldn't help himself, "Do you?"

Swiftly she looked up at him, her eyes wide and caught off guard. She opened her mouth to answer but thought better of it. Still holding his arm firmly in both hands, she smoothed her fingertips over the bandage and averted her gaze, her eyes level with his chest, "I…I don't know…"

Her voice shook slightly when she spoke the words and his hand moved before he realized it, fingertips brushing ever so slightly against the hair hanging over her face, silky against his fingers. He gently pulled his arm out of her grasp and draped it instead across the small of her back, pulling her towards him and closing the space between them. She had been doing everything she could to avoid looking up at him but he had just made that impossible. He saw in her eyes then what he knew was no longer hate, but something she was trying far too hard to suppress.

She could just make out the faint scar she had left on his face when he leaned in and slowly, carefully, captured her lips with his. They were even softer than he'd imagined. He teased her at first with feather soft brushes of his lips against her own, taking his time, wanting so badly to truly taste her. Fire coursed through her blood and she felt years of buried emotion rise in her chest as she slid her arms around his neck. At this he pulled her even closer, deepening the kiss, becoming more and more possessive as he buried his calloused fingers in her hair and felt all of his residual anger slip away. His mind had gone completely blank. All that registered was her.

How dangerous, she thought, to know such release…


	9. Leave You Blind

It was the night of Bella's wedding. Sirius had looked forward to it as the last he'd ever have to spend in the company of all those people he so despised. However he was not so much looking forward to it anymore. Everything was different now. The truth was he had crossed a line. And now that he had, he could never go back to being blissfully ignorant.

He was leaving, that much was still true. But there was a guilt associated with it now that hadn't been there before.

He had waited _so_ long for this day. He had even vowed to pay extra attention to every minute detail of it, so confident he was that it would truly be the last time he'd have the chance. Ironic then, how things turned out. The only part of the night he seemed to remember was the end of it...

Rage flashed beneath Mira's eyes as they connected violently with the man standing before her, "_You don't remember do you_." Her entire body was shaking, her head was beginning to spin from the pain.

"Remember _what_ Mira!? _What the hell just happened_?!"

"_Why did you follow me here?"_

"_What don't I remember?!"_

"_Why did you follow me here Sirius—_

"—_I saw your father pull you aside, I saw you flinch, and then I watched him pull you out of the room. _Nobody _else saw but me, I was the only one watching _you_ all night and not _them_ and now I see this,' _he gestured towards the state of her, fighting back the temptation to grab her and shake her,_ '…what did he do to you?" _

Suddenly all the color drained from her face, and her voice became callous, her stance unyielding, "I can't believe….you've blocked it out of your memory…like everything else."

Looking as though he doubted himself for a moment he narrowed his eyes, "_What are you talking about?!"_

"You must teach me sometime…' he could hear the pain in her voice and cringed, 'how you've managed to convince your brain to believe all the lies you tell yourself."

"_I don't know what the BLOODY HELL you're talking about!" _He fought with himself now as he felt poison threaten to drip off his tongue.

Strands of his black hair fell over his dark eyes and she knew he was doing everything in his power to keep from losing control completely. She knew. She understood him. More than anyone else did. He was beginning to understand that now and it was what got under his skin more than anything else she had said or done in the past few months.

"_Get out._" She held out her wand, arm shaking, and aimed directly at his heart.

His pride beyond wounded at this point he continued to yell, "_Do you think I _wanted_ this? To care about you?! YOU?! Of all people?!" _He could see he was hurting her, but she had hurt him, more than she had any idea. She had pulled away from him last night without reason. It was only fair._ "You're not even a _whole person._' _He continued though he saw her eyes rim black from the pain, '…Why would I ever want someone _so damaged?__"_

She tried not to show how it bothered her, the casual way the words fell off his tongue but it was useless. It was written all over her face.

Fighting back tears she lowered her wand, let it drop to the floor and began to walk towards him. His heart began to pound as she dangled in front of him the onslaught of sudden proximity. Eyes heavy, she moved closer to him, and brought her hands to the back of his forearms, where the bandage was still tied, and then slowly up, relaxing her grip against the warm skin and taut muscles that lay beneath the sleeves of his shirt. His muscles retracted beneath her touch, as they did the night before, and his breathing steadied but became shallow. He could feel how cold she was and yet her touch sent fire through him.

He fought the urge to avert his eyes as her own wandered, absorbing every detail and angle of his face; the still uneven shave from the wound she left on his cheek, the strong cut of his jawline, the rhythmic pulse pounding in his neck. Her black lacquered nails dug slightly into his skin and she met the dark imploring eyes that were staring so fixatedly at her and leaned in to whisper in his ear, her hair brushing lightly against the side of his face, "_Then leave…" _

A moment passed for him to take it all in, after which he abruptly broke free of her grip, and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.


	10. Seeing Red Again

She never truly expected him to take her at her word and leave. But he did, in all senses of the word. Since returning to Hogwarts he had not so much as glanced in her direction. Not when she could catch him at it anyway.

True, it was what she had asked for, but she hadn't anticipated the deafening void his absence now left in its wake. The anxiety that had so overwhelmed her just a week prior was gone, but so too was her ability to feel. When she walked through the corridors, when she sat down in class, when she spoke to people, she wasn't fully there. Only half so.

A dark, thick fog had begun to spread itself deep into the recesses of her mind and settle. More than once she found herself gazing at her reflection in the mirror, eyes roving over the scars on her neck, the icy glare staring back at her. She couldn't help but notice the lack of emotion in her own eyes, and it disturbed her. She felt completely numb.

Sirius, in a deeply uncharacteristic display of vulnerability, had finally confided in James and Remus all that had happened between him and Mira over the past few months. He left out a few things of course but he figured it was futile at this point to pretend that _nothing _was going on. After all, he had begun to change. There was an overwhelming hostility he carried with him now that hadn't been there before. He longed for a way to release it all but his only source of comfort had left him. The humor and light-heartedness that usually colored his life was mere background noise now. Things were getting more serious and suddenly it seemed, there was a lot less to laugh about.

He had expected James to respond negatively to all of this but seeing it actually come to fruition didn't make it any easier to listen to.

"No good can come of this,' James fixed a stern look in Sirius' direction, 'Sirius have you lost your bloody mind?"

Remus stayed conspicuously silent, arms folded, as his eyes darted from his one friend to the other.

Sirius doubted himself and it showed, "I don't know…I honestly don't know. There are things about it you don't understand."

"Like _what_? We _are_ talking about the same girl here right? Her best friend is Severus Snape for Merlin's sake! Do I need to read off the laundry list of fucked up things she's done over the years?"

"Please don't. Listen you don't know her the way I do,' he paused and exhaled sharply, 'I didn't even know her the way I thought I did.' Resenting the look of skepticism on James' face he continued, 'She acts that way because she has to, not because she wants to."

Remus interjected, "Has she ever actually said that to you?"

Sirius turned in his direction, "No but believe me I know."

"Bullshit."

Sirius narrowed his eyes back at James, "Excuse me?"

"Yeah you heard me, in case you've forgotten my family's pureblood too."

The tone in Sirius' voice now decidedly more aggressive he threw a condescending look in James direction, "Not like we are mate. Sorry."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Remus attempted to intervene, "Alright alright, listen lads, you're obviously both a bit bent out of shape at the moment, why don't you just take a minute and—

Sirius ignored him completely, "You know _exactly_ what it means. Your blood's diluted, ours isn't. Plain and simple. You know _nothing_ about that burden. "

James grimaced, "I know enough."

"You know _fuck-all_."

Affronted at being on the receiving end of his best friend's unquestioned authority for once he tensed up, "Are you serious with this right now?!"

"Yeah I bloody well am!"

James rounded in on him, "Well for fuck's sake maybe it's you I know nothing about!"

The tension in the room increased about tenfold as Sirius stepped up to meet him and Remus forced his way between the two of them to keep them from attacking each other, "Listen, you're BOTH out of line!"

Despite the physical barricade between them they continued to eye each other threateningly.

Remus turned to James, "Give it a rest!"

Thinking it wise to step away before he could act on his anger Sirius shot daggers in James' direction one last time and left the room, slamming the door shut of the empty classroom they were in behind him.

The swagger in his step not the same as it usually was he angrily paced down the corridor avoiding anyone's eyes, clenching and unclenching his fists as he walked.

Finally he slipped into the boy's lavatory, walked quickly towards the nearest sink and without bothering to look and see who else was there, pulled up his sleeves, turned on the tap and though hesitating at first, proceeded to splash the ice cold water onto his face. His head bent over the sink he gripped the sides and let the water drip down his jaw, his chin, his nose, his eyelashes, eyes firmly closed, hoping to cleanse himself mentally of the thoughts so oppressively weighing him down.

The voice of Evan Rosier and his friend suddenly entered the room and Sirius opened his eyes but did not move. He caught what Evan was saying mid conversation.

"Yeah well if she's still not persuaded to teach me by the end of the month I'll snap the bitch in half."

Evan's friend chuckled, "You're bloody barmy you know that right? Unless you snap her wand in half first you don't stand a chance mate."

He looked put off, "We'll see about that."

He wondered briefly who they were talking about as the two of them walked up to the urinals and kept talking to each other. Sirius kept quiet as he reached to dry his hands on the towel next to him, all the while his ears perked up trying to hear the rest of their conversation.

"You should've seen her last week at the wedding,' Evan smirked as he stood facing the wall remembering every detail in his mind, 'with a body like that it's no wonder her father never lets her out of his sight."

And like a kick to the chest it dawned on Sirius that it was Mira they were talking about. He felt rage course through his blood as he dropped the towel he was holding and walked around the sinks directly towards them. He waited for the sound of Evan zipping up his trousers and then violently grabbed the back of his necktie so hard his feet nearly lifted off the ground.

Evan clutched at his neck and stumbled backwards as Sirius violently let go. His friend had moved back out of harm's way, a look of confusion and fear riddled across his face, too afraid to pull out his wand on Sirius.

Evan spun around in shock, coughing and spluttering.

Sirius' eyes narrowed, "_What was that you said before Rosier?"_

"_The fuck's it to you Black?!"_

His body was shaking, his breathing ragged. He never intended on letting him respond. In one sharp blow he head-butted his skull, knocking him down to the ground.

He watched with pleasure as Evan lay there clutching his head, struggling to regain composure and lift himself up. Just as he was about to Sirius grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifted him back up to his feet for him and then punched him hard across the jaw. He fell again, this time his eyes beginning to close as he struggled to maintain consciousness. His friend had long since vanished from the room.

He could see that he was in no condition to even attempt to fight back. Frustrated Sirius lifted him up again, "LOOK AT ME!"

Somehow he managed to open his eyes and look up at him, upon which Sirius punched him again, and again, almost certain this time that he had broken something as his knuckles were now soaked in blood. He needed this, and more than that, Evan needed to understand something.

Finally letting him drop to the floor Sirius, by now out of breath, stood over him, "…_Lay one finger on her and I will murder you."_


	11. Wicked Games

By the next day everyone knew that it had been Sirius who sent Evan Rosier to the hospital wing. But nobody seemed to know why. Not even James. He and Sirius were on civil but tense terms since the last time they spoke. They never properly ended their argument from the day before so there was an oppressive air of unfinished business that lingered precariously between them every time they were within ten feet of each other.

Waves of murmuring and hushed rumors resounded throughout the corridors when Sirius walked by. He wasn't bothered by it. It wasn't the first time. Let them talk, he thought. Keep them guessing. He knew they would never even come close to discovering the truth. He hardly believed it himself.

It still struck him the way Mira was able to sit in the same classes as him every day and never even once glance in his direction. Little did he know she was tormented by the exact same thoughts in reverse. Truth is they were both too adept at masking their true feelings for their own good. Not so surprising given their shared history. For Mira it was a survival mechanism in its purest form. For Sirius, a response to his own hysterical blindness.

No one is perfect though. Everything that wasn't being said was beginning to take its toll on them both.

It was a Friday afternoon and all classes had finished for the day. There was hardly anyone around and Mira's guard was down as she traipsed through the corridor near the courtyard. As memory served her, Sirius spent Friday afternoons in Hogsmeade with the majority of their year, so she knew she needn't worry about running into him. But unbeknownst to her, this wasn't a typical Friday. _This_ Friday there was a full moon ascending.

Hearing a sudden rush of footsteps she raised her weary eyes. Just as suddenly as she looked up her heart began to race. Sirius came striding down the corridor, wand in hand, flanked by the usual suspects. He caught sight of Mira in her condition, continued to walk, but boldly refused to tear his eyes away from her. He drank in her appearance, knowing the moment would be over too soon.

A deer caught in headlights, she stared back at him as he walked past, feeling the hollowness inside of her rear its ugly head and nearly swallow her whole. It was the first time she had allowed herself to truly look at him since Bella's wedding.

He gripped tighter the wand in his hand, drawing attention to the broken skin and blood scraped across his knuckles. As he drew closer to her she noticed James turn his head to look at her as well. They didn't stop though. They just kept walking until they passed her and were out of sight completely.

Everything else became muted. She turned, without even a second thought, and headed towards the hospital wing. Impulsive she knew she was, but vulnerable? Weak? No. No, that she couldn't stomach. She couldn't take these games anymore. She needed answers. Answers or truth. Anything but this.

She stopped for a moment to compose herself and then walked through the door. She spotted Evan immediately and cautiously walked towards his bed. There was a massive bruise over his left eye, and a large scab on his lower lip. He lifted his head up, saw Mira standing near him, exhaled in frustration and then dropped his head back to the pillow.

"What do you want?" As much as he fantasized the opposite he knew Mira was not here out of concern for his well-being.

"What's wrong Evan you think I don't care about you?" Her words were dripping with sarcasm as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

He angrily adjusted the pillow behind his honey blonde hair and glared back at her, "I know you don't, so don't bother calling me by my first name, _what do you want?_"

She surveyed the room slightly, "Nothing really, was just wondering what you could've possibly done to make Black so angry?"

Propping himself up on his elbows he narrowed his hazel eyes at her in suspicion, "And what do you gain by me telling you that information?"

"Listen you don't _have_ to tell me. I'll find out anyway,' she lowered her gaze, 'I just thought it'd be polite to give you the option of telling me willingly."

Straining himself slightly to reach her he lightly grabbed a strand of her long hair and let it slide between his fingers, "It wouldn't take much to persuade me Mira you know that."

Unable to mask her disgust she stood up violently, visibly affronted. He had expected her to react that way, though his instincts should've warned him of what was to follow. Moving quickly she cast a spell in Madam Pomfrey's direction, then turned and aimed just as Rosier was beginning to reach for his wand, "_LEGILIMENS_"

In an instant she saw the entire scene unfold before her. Everything that was said, every punch that was thrown, every threat that came out of Sirius' mouth. She felt abruptly cold…and that all too familiar rush of anxiety began to creep up her spine. She watched in awe as he just continued throwing punches, seemingly unaware of the fact that he had already broken Evan's jaw….all it took was one moment. One moment to forget herself, mesmerized by the fury and rage coming from the same man who had so gently approached her only a week before.

Her concentration lost, she stumbled backwards and nearly fell, the force of Evan's resistance easily overwhelming her fallen guard.

The spell that caused Madam Pomfrey's ears to go momentarily deaf had broken and she came bursting into the room only to find a clearly livid Evan struggling against his own injuries to rise out of bed.

She had never seen Madam Pomfrey in such a rage before.

"_What_ do you think you're doing?! Attacking an injured student?! I could have you expelled for this!"

She tried to think of an excuse, anything really to absolve herself, but nothing came to mind, nothing at all. Out of pure desperation she shot a pleading look at Evan who by now had his wand out and aimed at her.

Seeing the expression on her face, he clenched his jaw, lowered his wand, and tore his eyes away from Mira to address Madam Pomfrey, "She didn't attack me…she was…trying to help…I was just startled that's all…"

"_Trying to help?! _What do you think_ I'm_ here for?!" She rounded on Mira, 'Get out this instant! 50 points from Slytherin and I _will_ be speaking to your Head of House about this!"

After being practically shoved out, Mira sheepishly looked back at Evan who had a look of disdain but quiet triumph written on his face. She didn't know how to take that. He really had no reason to do what he just did. Still she was grateful. She hated being in anyone's debt though, least of all Evan's, but the thought didn't have much time to develop as her mind instantly drifted back to what she had just seen.

She tore down the grand staircase and made her way back towards the dungeons. Once in her dormitory she took off her robe and dropped it on her bed. It was uncommonly warm out and she didn't need anything but her wand anyway.

She ignored Snape's questioning as she tore from the common room. It had actually been him who had tipped her off as to where she could find Sirius on a night like this in the first place. Not on purpose though. Once, in an angry tirade after another confrontation with James, he had let slip that he kept catching them all sneaking out to the Forbidden Forest at dusk on weekends….

**A/N: The more reviews I get, the more pressure it puts on me to post the next chapter, so please review! Thanks to everyone who's reading. I swear this story has taken on a life of its own inside my head.**


	12. In For The Kill

_"Sirius is very good at spouting bits of excellent personal philosophy, but he does not always live up to them. For instance, he says in 'Goblet of Fire' that if you want to know what a man is really like, 'look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.' But Sirius loathes Kreacher, the house-elf he has inherited, and treats him with nothing but contempt. Similarly, Sirius claims that nobody is wholly good or wholly evil, and yet the way he acts towards Snape suggests that he cannot conceive of any latent good qualities there...Sirius' great redeeming quality is how much affection he is capable of feeling…" _ _–JK Rowling_

It was warm out, as expected. She hadn't bothered changing out of her school uniform; she had been too eager to leave the common room.

As she made her way towards the grounds she couldn't help but think she was doing exactly what Sirius had done to her at the start of all this. This was _slightly_ different though. She actually intended to _speak_ to him, not just violate his personal space.

It was just about dusk when finally she saw him. Not _just_ him of course. All of them. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter all hurriedly making their way into the Forbidden Forest. She hid herself from view and rolled her eyes. Always in such a rush, no matter where they were going. It was true what everyone said. At least about James and Sirius. Narcissists to the core they were, most of the time. Strange, though, why the hell would they be rushing into the Forbidden Forest of all places…not exactly a desirable place to be when the sun goes down...

The sky lit up in hues of gold and pink, the sun now almost completely gone from view behind the lush green hills that dotted the landscape beyond the Hogwarts grounds.

She waited about ten minutes after they disappeared into the forest. She felt no need to rush at this point, she didn't want to be seen until she was ready, and besides, how hard would it be to find most likely the _only_ humans inthe forest right now.

Gazing up at the full moon now glowing bright through the dark sky she gripped her wand tight and with a hardened resolve walked up to the edge of the forest. As she stepped into the underbrush she felt an indistinct chill run over her body, causing her skin to shiver. She ignored it and kept walking.

For five minutes she walked. Then for ten. Ten turned to twenty. Twenty into thirty. An entire half hour passed and still no sight of them. Worse than that, underneath a particularly dark patch of forest the moon was obscured and she could barely see ahead of her. Her body now overcome with cold, she stopped. A noise caught her attention. Quickly she turned around, held out her wand and stared frantically around her. But…there was nothing.

Panicking slightly she realized she had now completely lost her bearing. Her heart began to beat faster. And then, in an instant, her whole body became stiff. The noise she swore she heard only moments before had returned, only this time it was accompanied by a body. A large, dark, hairy body, not human, with its neck extended towards the moon, howling and salivating at the sight of the raw piece of flesh that had just so willingly wandered across its path.

With everything that had happened recently her response time was thrown off drastically. Normally her reflexes would've signaled a reaction quick enough to save her own life in a situation such as this, but thanks to the emotional upheaval going on inside of her, _this time_, she just stood there, frozen, with her wand out, lumos maxima emanating from the tip. She was quite literally paralyzed by fear.

Suddenly the sound of loud barking filled the air. Breath caught in her throat, her eyes shifted towards the large black dog that came leering into view, its teeth bared, growling threateningly at her. As the dog began stalking towards her she faltered, and within seconds it knocked her to the ground, her wand thrown from her hand, extinguishing the light that came with it.

Her back hit the ground hard and when she opened her eyes, there stood the large black dog looming over her body, its front legs putting uncomfortable pressure on her chest and preventing her from moving, teeth bared inches from her face. And those eyes…why were those eyes so familiar…

More footsteps filled her ears, again not human, and then she began to hear the unmistakable sounds of two animals fighting. She couldn't move, so couldn't see just what or who it was, all that registered was the sound of the werewolf's cries growing fainter and fainter in the distance and the weight of the two front paws bearing down on her chest.

Just as she began to find the strength to struggle the dog released her, stood back and Mira's mouth fell open in horrified shock as the dog transformed before her eyes into a fully grown man. And not just any man, but the one she had come here looking for in the first place.

His voice was abrasive and just as the dog had been panting seconds before, the man it had transformed into was out of breath, "What the _hell _are you doing here?!"

"I—you—you're—

"DID SNAPE PUT YOU UP TO THIS?!"

Still in shock, she struggled to answer him, "…WHAT?! …N-N-NO!"

"_You have a death wish or something then?!"_

"Are….are you an animagus?!"

He answered with little patience, "_What do you think?_"

Her eyes narrowed as things became clearer in her mind, "…_and who's the werewolf?!_"

He came closer to her, "_Listen I know you didn't come here for a bit of fresh air, who told you I was here?"_

His impatience held little tolerance for her silence.

"WHO TOLD YOU I WAS HERE MIRA?!—

—SNAPE DID, but not on purpose and he had _no_ idea I was looking for you!"

His brow furrowed in anger, "So you _were_ looking for me."

She looked back at him sheepishly. In a mixture of anger and disbelief at his own luck he laughed in spite of himself. Not the normal kind of laughter that usually lit up his features though, the maniacal kind.

She watched nervously as he paced back and forth in front of her, covered his face in his hands for a moment, finally stopped laughing, and turned back at her, "_What do you want from me love?_ What? _What is it?_ I did exactly what you asked me to do. And yet here you are. _Looking for me._"

She knew he was right. There was no point in prolonging this agony. With as much courage as she could muster she answered him, "Why did you put Evan Rosier in the hospital wing?"

Of all the things he had expected her to say, that was not one of them. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it before the words came out. His eyes shifted, he couldn't look at her. Hell though, he thought, what did he have to lose by telling the truth.

"Because he threatened you."

"I know what he said about me…but _why did you put him in the hospital wing for it?_"

At this he said nothing but only looked back at her, most of her features obscured in the darkness of the forest. Now it was her turn to be impatient.

"I'm not even a whole person…I'm _damaged_ remember?! _Why did you do that for me Sirius?"_

The apprehension etched in his eyes turned to a look of deep pain as she walked towards him.

"_Why did you do that?_"

Still he said nothing.

"SIRIUS TALK!" Wandless she shoved hard against his chest pushing him backwards a bit.

He grit his teeth to keep from retaliating. She had no wand, he wasn't going to shove her back. Desperation written all over her face, he saw her begin to shake. Even in such darkness he could see her eyes begin to well up with tears.

"ANSWER ME YOU COWARD!"

She made to shove him again but he caught her wrists in his hands before she collided against his chest and he answered her with an authority that rendered her completely silent, "_BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU_."

**A/N: Wow I'm horrible at updating. However please understand I had a good reason for not doing so. I just started graduate school in the Fall and it took up a lot of my time. From now on, if a month goes by without an update I will at least post an author's note letting you know the status. This story is far from over. Thank you all for the reviews, and expect a lot more from me VERY SOON. **


	13. AUTHOR'S NOTE

So I suck at updating clearly, but I am currently writing the next chapters. I had a hiatus due to a certain situation going on in my life which drained me of all my emotional energy, which surprisingly enough is a very necessary component to writing this story. Be on the look out, hope people still read this! Love y'all that reviewed! Sirius will always be my first love. :) MORE ON ITS WAY.


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